Back in a Flash! (No Pun Intended)

I was out with one of my best friends, eating at Olive Garden, shopping at Victoria's Secret, when I got The Call/Text.  I thought Sunday was my last official day of work at The Club, but, because my boss had a family emergency, I got called in to work on Monday as well.  Most people would probably be beyond annoyed that their place of work called them after business hours while they were out enjoying themselves to see if they could come into work on a day that's not on your schedule, the day after you had your "last day."  ...But my job is kinda different.

For one, I really feel like I'm a part of a family, and even though I'm one of those people that will always, always answer, "yes," when someone asks me for help if I can, I'd do it anyway just because I feel like I'm part of something bigger than me.  (OR I just get emotionally attached to people and places really easily.).  So anyway, I rolled to work and got there at about 11 pm wearing my favorite day dress, and let me just say... I wish I'd been working Mondays all year because Amateur Night is effing HILARIOUS!

Stage Virgins

It's really easy to tell who's an amateur and who isn't.  No matter how bold a woman is, it's one thing to be mentally ready to dance around and take off your clothes; it's quite another to actually do it.  You've got to be completely comfortable and confident.  You've got to believe that everyone in that room wants you, will do anything for you, and thinks you look amazing no matter what you're doing.  Any little insecurity results in hesitation, stiffness and indecision.

These two amateurs tried to do a routine together, but it was so horribly timed and disorganized.  Afterwards, my boss told one of them:

"You and your friend's little routine was a little awkward, but you looked good up there.  Just work on it a little bit.  You got the job."

He took a harder look at her.  "Are you pregnant?"  She shook her head.  "Just had a baby... about... 3 months ago?"  She nodded.  "Get started doing some sit ups; you gotta lose that baby fat.  And we'll talk about some breast implants."  

Also... costume choice.   Lingerie is not an appropriate stripping costume.  It just looks weird for you to be wearing Victoria's Secret on the stage; Frederick's of Hollywood, maybe.  And if you're going to wear lingerie, don't wear church shoes with it!  Strip club = stripper shoes.  Church = church shoes.  Ecclesiastes 3... there's a time and place for everything.  ...I guess I did get kinda hypocritical there by bringing the Bible into my blog about stripping and alcohol... =)

As my boss got on the mic, hyping up the crowd, introducing the dancers, he was sure to throw in:

"I stand outside of high schools, recruiting.  If your daughter's over the age of 18, I'll be outside of her high school."  

He said he was just joking later.

...And Then There Was She-Rah.

We all looked up as she took the stage.  She was wearing a red PVC body suit and a lot of honey blonde weave and a lot of fire-engine red lipstick matching her costume.  She looked at the crowd mischievously, with a playfully cocky tilt of her head; playful like rough games without any rules.

"She looks like a dominatrix," my manager pointed.

And when the music dropped, she proved her right.  I thought I'd seen it all when she did a handstand into backbend into a split on top of the other girl...  But then she PICKED the other girl up, FLIPPED her over (spread eagled, in the air), SPANKED her, LICKED her ass and simulated various other sexual acts on her body.

"What the hell!?" I covered my mouth.

Most of the men in the crowd, in stead of being turned on, seemed to be a little scared.  

"I told you she was crazy," my manager shook her head.

Later on that night as my boss was changing out people's singles, we joked about what we'd seen.

"Crazy people strong as a mothafucka," he laughed.

Final Words

I wish the bar sat up higher so I could've seen everything going on on stage because even with the little bit I did manage to see, it kept me laughing all night long.  If you're able to go to amateur night at a strip club, I would highly recommend it.  Even if the dancing is bad, you'll be highly entertained.

QUOTE OF THE NIGHT:

My boss to a customer:

"Yeah!  Beat that ass with that money!"

LMAO.