This Past Week in Brooklyn

I've been up to a lot a bit this past week:

On the Job Hunt

I called about 50 different places in Brooklyn and the LES, looking for work. Out of those 40, maybe 4 were actively hiring. After calling these places one day, I then spent the next day hoofing it around town, dropping off resumes and filling out applications (from 10 am to 11 pm!). I learned some key things through this exhausting exercise though: 1. comedy clubs are a cool place to bartend and I think I'd really like it, 2. all even avenues in NY run north, and 3. the fact that I went to bartending school actually makes my resume look worse. Bartending school isn't really looked upon as an institution of prestige where you learn how to do everything the right way. It's frowned upon as a two-bit scam where they teach you the quick-n-dirty way how to mix drinks for people who don't know the difference between a cocktail and a cockatoo.

I learned that bit from the bartender and manager at my apprenticeship. No, I didn't come away from my recent bit of hunting with a job (Aside: how did the owner of this bar tell me I had a sexy picture and that he'd definitely be calling me, but never call. I'ma come back 'n shoot your bar up, playin' wit my unstable emotions like that! I got rent to pay, don't get my hopes up!), but I did get an apprenticeship at this really cool, new old-school cocktail bar in Brooklyn. It's chill because the first thing the manager did when he met me was offer me weed (which, incidentally, I don't smoke). It's old-school because they're real masters of the cocktail. I mean, this place is among the .01% of bars around the world that make all their own syrups. This bar is so high class that KETEL ONE, COINTREAU and HENNESSEY are rail liquors. Your typical rail liquors are like... Velicoff (vodka), Ronrigo (rum), Montezuma (triple sec), Odesse (gin), and Bols (triple sec).

I spent my first day straining pecan milk into pecan paste and pecan syrup. ...And sampling drinks and interacting with the customers, of course. And let me just say, that after having a REAL cocktail... I don't think I can drink anywhere else. Oh, I can drink a Jack+Cran, but not a cocktail. Nah. I gotta have a REAL cocktail, homes. Yep, I'm becoming a snob (and for good reason). I've learned a lot through observation and listening too. I like this.

On the Home Front

So, the apprenticeship is great, but I have bills. And my living expenses require about $1,100 to flow out of my checking account each month. I need money. I really, really hate asking my mother for it, even though I have no choice right now. But it's killing me because I know she's got so many responsibilities and such and I hate being another burden. Until an opportunity opens up, Mommy is it for me though. I just gotta keep hustling, keep looking... especially at places around colleges or where a lot of college kids will go. They typically need more staff around this time of year.

Other than the bills though, I'm loving my home life. My roommates are great. I love my neighborhood. And even though Brooklyn smells like dog shit and garbage, I love it too. My room is coming together nicely... although living on the basement floor does have its drawbacks, chiefly: 1) the buggos and 2) the fact that I suffocated an alive-thing (which I think was a mouse) in my trashcan. I don't eat or allow food in my room because I don't want to attract any alive-things. My dumbass threw a muffin paper in the trashcan. All I can say is: at least the alive-thing couldn't crawl back out and I was able to kill it without seeing it by tying the trash up. Ugh. I'm so not made for that type of thing.

On the School Front

OMG. So. I start Parsons tomorrow and I'm SO excited/nervous. I can't wait to actually learn things I'm interested. And! I've already met someone in my program... she lives right above me, actually. I can't wait to meet people who are as excited by fabric as I am. I'm nervous about the learning curve and all that, but honestly... I'm just so ready.

Lesson of the Day:

(Quoted from the manager at the bar where I apprentice)

"Hesitation is death. That split second where you're deciding which way to swerve is what gets you killed. Just go with your instincts."

Grind Time

It seems like I'm always coming back from flitting off somewhere; I've got location ADD or something.

Anyway, I returned from a brief (weekend) trip back home to Maryland yesterday. I go back every 6-8 weeks to get my lovely mouth bling tightened and tuned and such. I love what the braces are doing to my teeth (my smile is THIS close to perfect now! 10 out of 10 [okay, 4 out of 4] dentists agree that my teeth themselves are pretty, so having them straightened will be even more awesome), however I can't wait until June, October at the latest, when they come off!

While I was down home, I listened to my 11 year old niece play the piano (beautiful!) and gave my soon-to-be 14 year old niece some advice about high school. (Eyes well up). I remember when I helped teach her how to read, and now she's going to high school! High school! I want to be as available for her as possible since I'm here and my sister's a single parent. I want to be the cool aunt who makes her prom dress and helps her fill out her college applications. (I definitely made sure to tell her to study, study, study for the PSAT because that's how I got my scholarship which paid for my undergrad career in its ENTIRETY).

After enjoying certain DMV delights, like LEDO'S PIZZA!, for the first time in ages and DC Chillin' with my fam, I stepped out on the town with some friends from Howard and my Bowie Crew.

We ended up going to Grand Central in Adams Morgan. I definitely recommend it. You can walk in dressed chill, enjoy movies such as Finding Nemo (yes, "I shall call you My Squishy and you shall be mine," Finding Nemo) on the flat screens downstairs, and dance around like you haven't got a care in the word (i.e. jumping the "invisible rope". And after it's all over you can engage in some playful banter with the entirely too pressed cops outside and grab a JUMBO (and I mean JUMBO) slice from next door. #GoodNights happen here.

Going to Adams Morgan definitely made me miss DC 40x more than I've been missing it. I haven't really had time to miss DC since I've been back so frequently, and I actually like New York now, but going out on the town just made my heart ache a bit when it was over. I have to have a residence in DC/MD when I get successful (no, I will not put up a link to the Drake + Trey Songz jont because I'm so tired of hearing Drake everywhere I turn). When I become rich enough so that taking a shuttle flight between DC and NY is nothing, I will do it. DC really has my heart and I can't deny it.

But now I'm back in New York, still searching for a job that will allow me to pay my rent. My tuition is being paid for by my mother (this semester/year, at least), but I've got to cover my rent and bills myself. I can't let her do that too. I need something to pan out with the quickness, too. I really want to keep the bartending job, but being a real estate agent or apartment shower person or whatever is lookin' kind of attractive too. We'll see who hits me back (if they hit me back) first.

Just had orientation for school and the theme seems to be: you THINK you know what you're getting into but you have absolutely NO idea. This is a fashion hazing process. In the words of Shane Sparks, "I'm not trying to scare you, I'm just trying to prepare you." ...Too late. I'm scared.

PS... Shane is SUCH a hater!

Growl. I'm Hunting Again.

So, I'm on the job hunt again.

Going on open calls, hitting up random bars, calling places, etc.

I'm realistic, yet optimistic.

Just went to another bikini-themed restaurant/club. I really hope I get this one; it's not as much money per week, but I really, really liked the atmosphere. All of the employees seemed to like each other, the managers I spoke with were nice and completely un-hood. The entire vibe of the place was relaxed and friendly. Me likey.

I'm getting tired of running around, but that's the hustle.

School starts in two weeks, as well. Eep! Orientation next week. Eep! I'm SO scared/excited. Can't wait.

WTF!? >=|

Attention: I wrote these lyrics with the intention of copyrighting and recording them. They are MY intellectual property. Anyone who poaches will feel the wrath of my father, who happens to be an entertainment lawyer.

WTF!? >=|

He must really think he’s cute
With his li’l
LOL smiley face
LOL smiley face
(Funny shit, yo)

(Chorus)
Shorty just text me,
say he wanna sex me
LOL smiley face,
WTF angry face
Wants me to send a twit pic
Thinks he gonna get this,
OMG, I’m ROTFLMAO

Ain’t gonna fake; nah, I can’t lie ya’ll
He turned my head; SNAP! Caught my eye, ya’ll.
This boy was chisel-chisel, cut-cut, FINE ya’ll
And I was like: get ‘im, thought he shoulda been mine, ya’ll
But he was That Dude. Bragged about his strokin’-mandigo.
Winked at all the girls and talked that nasty boy lingo
In class he sat behind me; used to pull my ponytail
I flirted back (couldn’t help myself) so he tried to get a piece of tail
But when it came down to it/couldn’t get around to it
For all his braggin, he was bluffin/never touched the muffin (Uhhh…)
I’m confused, can’t figure out the deal
Come to find out he was on the DL…

(Chorus)

Can’t believe he thinks I don’t know,
That he likes it a little homo
Shorty sending twit pics
sayin come and get this
LOL smiley face
SMH womp face.

Now, this one, I met club-hoppin in the summertime
I was poppin, he was clockin like I’d really give him my time
He wouldn’t lemme ‘lone, grabbed me when I tried to walk away
Kept repeating, “you’re so beautiful,” like that was gonna make me stay.
When I told him, “get some better game,” he pulled out his frat card
Please. That wouldn’t impress me even if it was a Black Card.
I tried to leave again, but he wouldn’t move out the way
I gave him my number just to get him out my face
Now it’s a year later and he’s still tryna hit me up
Gettin’ familiar like we been talkin’, gettin’ up and stuff
Tryna horse-and-carraige this…
How did I encourage this?
I aint said one word to ‘im
You would think I put that good on ‘im.

(Chorus)

Can’t believe he thinks I don’t know,
That he’s a lot-a bit psycho
Shorty sending twit pics
sayin come and get this
LOL smiley face
SMH womp face.

[ALTERNATE verse 3]

Just broke up, but I wasn’t on the rebound;
I wasn’t lost, and I wasn’t tryna be found.
But I had excess energy, you know what I mean
So I played the field, I was always on the scene.
Hittin’ dudes up, 2 am, “where are you?”
Hittin’ dudes up, 4 am, “where are you?”
Most of ‘em were cool and knew I didn’t want forever
Some started trippin, thought I wanted to be together
Started getting possessive
So I got progressive
On to the next one
Case-closed, done son!
But he didn’t take the hint, and he’s still callin me
LOL OMG, what an exercise in futility.

(Chorus)

Can’t believe he thinks I don’t know,
That he’s delusional
Shorty sending twit pics
sayin come and get this
LOL smiley face
SMH womp face.

Original "LOL =)" - Trey Songz feat. Gucci Mane and Soulja Boy

Howard Does the Hamptons

I just got back from the Hamptons (Sag Harbor & East Hampton to be specific) after spending the weekend with some of my friends from college. You would think 11 people (yes, 11 adults) in one house would be problematic, but it wasn't. I mean sure, my first choice for sleeping arrangements is never going to be on a narrow couch, literally tangled up with someone else, and cold showers aren't exactly my favorite, but it was all good. No drama vacations, FTW!

We were supposed to leave sometime around 2:30 on Friday, however, we didn't leave until about 7. The friend we were staying with texted us twice to tell us, "ya'll some niggas," about our lateness, but I'm saying... one of my roommates didn't even get back from work until about 5:45! And I had to pre-mix drinks for the weekend (Gatorade bottles full of margarita, cherry splash margarita, and whiskey + cranberry)! When we finally made it to Sag Harbor, it was pitch black outside, and there weren't any street lights. I've never, ever, in my life seen the stars look that beautiful. I never realized there were that many of them. It took my breath away.

Right then I decided that, one day, I must get a summer home in the Hamptons for myself.

So anyway, we make our way inside and the night begins with Kings, the greatest drinking/card game ev-aaar! I got to make up three of the rules of the game =) Note: you should fear me when I get to make up rules in Kings. I made everyone talk in a British accent and decreed that whenever they had to take a drink, you had to drink for five seconds, minimum. 1-Mississippi style. I definitely ended up gettin myself done with my personal margarita mix and that 5-second rule. One of my friends also ended up incapacitating himself for the rest of the night because he took prescription meds and chased it with alcohol (not immediately afterwards, but close enough). Before he started drinking, we asked him, "are you sure you can drink after taking that?"

"Yeah, I asked my doctor and he cleared me," he assured us.

Hours later, just as the door swung open to let in the last car of people, one of my friends called out, "he's throwing up! He's throwing up!"

I looked to my right and wasted no time in leaping 10 feet across the room. But you know something? A sign of growing up is when, after an incident like that, the whole crew pitches in to take care of the sickling and clean up, even finding cleaning materials that the host didn't even know he had. We ended up putting the sickling outside with a bottle of water until he was finished and continued chillin. By the time we were all ready to go to sleep (at about 4 am), he ended up dancing and singing in the hallway in his boxers. He wasn't drunk.

Saturday, we went around town (when I get money... shopping in the Hamptons is so necessary) and two of us made it on the camera for Real Housewives of NY (whether or not they make it past the cutting room floor is still up in the air) and then we went to the beach. After going to Miami last week, I think I can make the call:

The Hamptons vs. Miami:

• Miami has better water (clear and warm); the Hamptons has better sand (soft and sculptable).
• Miami is more relaxed about things like clothing; the Hamptons has a more relaxing atmosphere.
• Miami is packed with activity; the Hamptons makes you forget everything but how beautiful the night sky and the endless ocean are.

All-in-all... I'd rather build a summer home in the Hamptons. It's a place that makes you feel like you're on the edge of the world... so peaceful.

After the beach we headed out to main shopping/eating district in Sag Harbor. Two of the guys and one of my roommates and I ate at this BOMB Mediterranean restaurant. If you haven't tried moussaka... do so, post-haste. While nursing moderate cases of the Itis, we walked down to the docks, looked up at the stars again, and fantasized about the yachts. Now, I've been on a yacht before and I didn't exactly enjoy the experience (I get nervous when I'm too far away from terra firma), but man... if I had the money... Fuck the fear, I'd get myself a yacht!

We were going to make a bonfire, but some of us chilled back at the house while others searched for a party at Pink Elephant, however they were having a private event and the only entry was the purchase of a table... for $1,500. Welcome to the Hamptons =). Pah-ty done.

Clubbin was a bust, but honestly... I wouldn't go to the Hamptons to club anyway. I'd go to get away from all that. And it's definitely on my list of places to Ctrl+Alt+Delete.

Private beach in Sag Harbor

This Has Nothing to do with Alcohol

Um, yeah... so... this post has nothing to do with alcohol. At all. I apologize in advance, but I still think I might have something worthwhile to say.

I'm sitting here packing for my weekend trip to the Hamptons with a still as yet unspecified number of my friends, and I just got to thinking...

(Well, I didn't just get to thinking. I was actually talking about relationships with the woman who has a nonprofit across the street from me, and thinking about the words my grandmother said to me from beyond. [Yes, the deceased do speak, if you're willing to listen.]).

Man, I've learned a lot of good lessons from all the relationship drama I've been through. And man, I don't know how I want to handle them going forward... 'cause man... man... my world-view has been tainted and I don't know what's right or wrong anymore.

I'm too nice to be a proper heartbreaker (I'm more aloof and oblivious than cold and cruel) and too self-absorbed to be a proper sweetheart. I used to be a real sweetie, though. I was THE Ride-or-Die Chick. THE Make-Dinner-for-You-on-a-Whim Chick. The Kiss-You-Anyway-When-You're-Sick-'Cause-I-Even-Love-Your-Germs Chick. When my boyfriend (at the time) and I offended our friends by arriving late to a get-together after we said we'd be an hour (hey... some things take longer than an hour if you're doin it right), after he tried to greet his best friend, his friend said, "Nah, sahn. I don't fucks with you!" My immediate reply was, "that's okay, 'cause I do!" That's the kind of girl I was.

It wasn't having my heart broken by the stereotypical "Bad Guy" that changed me though. I mean, I did have my heart broken, but he wasn't a bad guy... he was a scared, confused guy. It wasn't even a brief encounter with a violent, possessive guy. The straw that broke the camel's back (besides age) was a nice guy. That's right. The "Nice Guy" was the one who made me say "to hell with it."

And thus began my string of flings (which I'm winding down from. It's boring and I either want something REAL good, something REAL fun, or nothing at all).

How did this happen? He was too nice. He was too cautious. He was... rather condescending, actually. He pushed me away right when things started taking off only to later explain that he was trying to figure out who was real and who wasn't... and then came back. (They ALWAYS come back.). Too late, not interested... at all. The worst thing you can do to me is doubt my realness.

I feel like I'm at another turning point in how I view men and relationships. I know what I ultimately want in that regard: a husband I don't secretly/not-so-secretly hate and three adorable kids, but not anytime soon. There are a lot of changes I need to go through and experiences I need to have before I'm ready to seriously think about any of that.

I've done the steady girlfriend thing. I've done the "I'm going to focus on me" thing. I've done the "let's just play it by ear" thing. I've done the "we're just friends, but we go out on dates" thing. I've done the chick-on-the-side thing (don't judge me). I've done the playette thing. I've done the "it's 3 am, where you at?" thing. (Sounds like I've done a lot of things. Pause.).

I guess what I'm ready for now is the next thing. And I know what I want that next thing to be, but I have the feeling that what I'm going to get is going to surprise me. It always does.

BONUS! QUOTES from MY MOMMY:

After my first breakup:

"Niggas come and go, but mama will always love you."

"If I see him on the street, I'm going to push him into oncoming traffic. Just kidding!"

After my encounter with scary, violent, crazy man:

Mom: "He had a little dick, didn't he?"

Me: "Mom! ...Yes."

Mom: *Cackles* "See? Mama always knows! Five-minute, squiggly dick."

...My mother is a dentist with an expansive vocabulary and normally speaks with impeccable grammar (though she does have a potty mouth in private). Even after 22 years of her being my mother, I'm still shocked when she says such things.

Back In Black... No Really... I'm Burnt.

So, I returned from Miami on Sunday... chilled at my parents' place until Monday evening, when I arrived back in New York, minus (-) my phone charger and an unspecified amount of my checking account, plus (+) a skin cancer-worthy tan and some lessons learned:

-If it doesn't feel right, it isn't right. Alright, so I already knew this one, but intuition is one of those "easily-ignored-because-they're-so-abstract" things. The trip to Miami was for my high school best friend's birthday, and when it was planned, it included four people: me, her, and two of her other besties (one of whom is also one of mine). Eventually, more people were added... people I either didn't know, didn't really care too much for, or hadn't talked to in ages. I didn't really feel right going; I had a feeling I wasn't going to be able to enjoy myself, but I went anyway because it was for my friend's birthday. Lesson rephrased: don't commit yourself to something you know you can't actually do in the interest of keeping up appearances. My line of thinking went something like this: if I don't go, I'm a bad friend AND I'll look petty and immature because I'm not going because I don't want to be around the other guests.

But you know what? I've discovered that real maturity is making decisions based upon what you know you're capable of, and real friendship isn't based upon appearances. I would've better served my friend by coming down to MD to see her off for her trip/welcome her back and giving her a gift then. Instead, I was visibly Miserable-In-Miami and felt like I'd essentially wasted my money on a vacation that wasn't very relaxing at all.

I knew I wasn't going to enjoy the trip before we even took off. When, in the airport, my high school bestie introduced her college bestie to one of the girls I didn't know with, "and this is my best friend, ____," and didn't even bother to introduce me. And then said girl I didn't know copped an attitude with me when I questioned her suggestion that we take shots on the plane. Bad omens.

Do you know how frustrating it is to try to be nice to and sociable with someone who does nothing but stare at you? (Except when she wasn't around her core group... when she was outnumbered by "the original trip people" she was fine). ...And for the record, the reason I've even been on-the-outs with this person (none of which matters anymore), was firstly because I was angry at her and couldn't fake politeness, and secondly because she wrote me a highly contradictory apology which I couldn't accept for all of its contradictions and hurtful insinuations. I don't know what reason she has to stare at me. To not flip out at rude-ass, pretentious little bitches (TWO of them!) who can't at least do the fake "we're all girlfriends!" thing? To feel like a freaking camper, shuttled into group activities that I had nothing to do with? To have plans made and NO ONE tells you what the hell is going on? I just didn't have a good time. Thus, I have learned:

-Do what YOU want. Alright, so you've got to take other people into account sometimes, but you can't be of any good use to anyone else if you're not happy. It shows. My other friend told me that, "the best day I've had so far on this trip is the day I spent by myself." And you know? I wish I'd spent a day waking up early and eating breakfast by myself, going swimming and tanning on the beach by myself, going back to eat and read my book by myself, then maybe take a nap and meeting up with everyone else later. If I'd felt like I'd had some modicum of control or choice in the whole trip, I think it wouldn't have been so bad for me. To the extent that you're able, always make sure what you're doing is what you want... otherwise you'll be bitter.

It wasn't all bad, though... I enjoyed playing volleyball in the water with 3 cute Italian guys. (Which has cemented my decision to go to Italy next summer). The water was nice. There were some good moments. I've also learned that wine makes me EXTREMELY giggly (or maybe just the fact that I drank a whole bottle?). I picked up an addiction to a television show called Bones (I just watched three straight episodes tonight, in fact). I learned some valuable lessons, the last of which being:

If I ever want to get my mother to affect a pained, worried expression and moan, "oh, my poor baby doesn't know how to take care of herself!" all I have to do is get a sunburn.

...Yes, she actually did say that in response to me getting a sunburn. My mom's a special lady. I love her.

My Gameplan for This Week:

-Figure out how I'm going to pay for fashion school.

-Finish this marketing package for my producer friend.

-Finish this business plan and case for donations for my family's non-profit.

-Go to my sewing class and figure out exactly how I'm going to volunteer there.

-Go to The Hamptons with an unspecified group of people in an unspecified location by an unspecified means of transportation and have a completely undignified amount of fun!