Smack-a-Ho Saturday

Seriously, Mexico almost got herself smacked by the rest of us at varying points throughout the night.  I'm not a violent person, I'm not a rude person, and I won't call you on your transgressions until they get to the point where I can't just shrug them off.  ...This trick pushed me to the point where I couldn't contain myself and pulled the, "oh no she DIDN'T!" face in front of customers and had to turn and walk away.

Reasons Why A Ho Almost Got Smacked:

1.  You have been working at this jont for the longest time (4 weeks).  Congratulations!  That means: you have been working at this jont for four weeks.  It doesn't mean you can give orders.  It doesn't mean the rest of us want (or need) to hear your "helpful hints".  And it certainly doesn't mean you're an expert bartender.  So keep your running commentary to yourself!!

EXAMPLE:  There was an incident where the New New Girl (just started today because Drunkie got fired) had a guy who gave her a $10 bill and said he gave her a $20.  Boss Man ended up giving the man his $10 back because he "didn't want to argue over $10."  At the end of the night, when Boss Man informed her that her drawer was short by $10, she reminded him of this incident.  It was an A-and-B conversation... so why did Mexico chime in with:

"To avoid that you should just put the money on top of the register before you ring it in."

OMFG!  NO ONE ASKED YOU!

As New New Girl put it this morning when we were riding the train home, "you know how they say most cops were once those kids who everybody bullied and then they grew up and got guns and now they think they run everything?  Yeah, well, that was probably her.  She was probably the nerdy kid who got picked on, and now Boss Man gave her some little bit of props 'cause she's been here the longest and she took it and ran with it."

2.  Never, ever, ever, is it acceptable to jump across someone while they're engaged in conversation.  And it's beyond rude to do it twice.  Next time I'm able to predict that shit before you do it, I'm sticking my hand out in the vicinity of your throat and choppin yo' ass "on accident".

I was smiling, laughing, talking to a customer and this trick LEAPS across me and leans on the bar to talk to someone else.  And then she lost her balance... so she did it AGAIN!  Was she raised by wolves or something?  Where they do that at?

Ho... you bout to get smacked.

3.  It's understood that we're all hustlers behind the bar, however, you do not step in on someone else's hustle.  It's obvious this trick doesn't have an understanding of hood rules: everyone has their own hustle... and you don't interfere with what isn't yours.

Trick, if I'm talking to a customer, don't lean in and ask him if he wants something else to drink.  I GOT IT.

And it's not just like I'm being passive and she's being aggressive and I need to get on her level; no.  She has done it to everyone at the bar.  New New Girl was standing all the way at the far end of the bar and Mexico literally runs from the other side, butts in, and asks the guy what he wants.

She did that to me the other day, and tried that mess again today, but I remembered what the guy had been drinking and had it waiting for him before he sat down.  And then I asked what his friend wanted. +$12 to me, trick.  (We get paid off of sales commission too... that's why she's so pressed.).  She managed to do that a couple of times to New New Girl, who turned to me and said, "man, I told Boss Man about her.  She's a toe-stepper; yeah, well I bite bitches."

4.  Don't send me off on errands so my back is turned to the bar and you can scoop new customers coming in, or refill more glasses.

I know she doesn't have short-term memory loss, so why would she ask me if I had change three times in the span of 30 minutes to an hour?  The last time she asked me, I finally had to say:

"No!  This is the third time you've asked me that.  Go ask Boss Man to open the change box."

Ho, you 'bout to get smacked.  It was no surprise that she made more than $250 in sales and got her 10% commission while the rest of us were stuck 5%.  I've got no problem with my co-workers making their money; as long as they do it respectfully.

Reasons Why My Boss Deserves to Get Smacked:

1.  Don't ask me why I'm "constantly leaning against the counter".  If everyone appears to be entertained: their cups are full, they're engaged in conversation, or they're watching the dancing going on... I'm not about to jump in and interrupt the merry-making.  It's funny how he's always watching me when I have downtime, but never when I'm talking, making a drink, or taking an order.

2.  Don't shine a flashlight in my eye to get my attention.  This aint COPS.

3.  Don't tell me I made a mistake when I didn't... 'cause I will correct you; boss or not.  I, ever so responsibly, informed him that I accidentally input six cents instead of six dollars into the register.  This man's response was, "again?"  

I replied, "no.  I only did it once."  

He goes: "no.  You did it twice; I corrected it.  I'll show you the tape."

So, later, when he shows me the tape, it shows that I input 6 cents ONCE and he corrected for it with 6 dollars ONCE.

"Yeah, like I said," I nodded.

Special People Make the World Go 'Round

I gotta give a shout out to the characters who made the night worth getting out of bed for:

New New Girl, who is certifiably crazy.  She's loud, dances non-stop, and says the most outrageous things.

Are You High, Sir?  The customer who I really think was high.  He was moving in slow motion, nothing seemed to faze him, and he had this one dance move: arms raised in the "Victory!" position, index fingers pointed, moving as few muscles as possible while bobbing along with the music (in slow motion, still).  He kept everyone laughing and imitating him.

The A Train Companions, these two guys who sat and talked with New Girl and I until we got off the train.  They were cute and nice.  And!  Dude said he liked Raheem, Wale and Tabi Bonney! =)

Tip Jar: Married white men tip really well and they're easily impressed.  You don't have to work hard for them at all: you can even just stand there and smile... they've never seen anything quite like you before.