What NOT to Wear
There is no dress code at the club, HOWEVER, this does not mean people won't laugh at you if you come in looking crazy. If there's ever a question about what you should and should not wear to the club (hell, out of your house for that matter), just remember:
MEN: It's not okay to wear an entire plaid outfit, and it's DEFINITELY not okay for the top half to be orange and the bottom half to be blue. And on top of it all, it's beyond foolish to pair your mismatched lumberjack-clown-in-pajamas outfit with brown church shoes. NOT OKAY, SIR, NOT OKAY!!
WOMEN: It's not okay to mix more than one bad trend at a time. There is absolutely no reason why you should go out looking like a ranch fabulous cowgirl. Cowgirl hat + gold leather (or "leather") jacket + deconstructed jeans + bejeweled cowboy boots? NOT OKAY, MADAM, NOT OKAY!!
The Tipping Scale
Working at the club has definitely desensitized me to getting compliments on my looks. I mean, honestly, honestly: even though I know I'm attractive, and you'll never catch me suffering from low self-esteem based on how I feel about how I look, I still don't see myself as being pretty. Other people seem to, however, so that works.
Don't get me wrong, I still appreciate genuine compliments and sometimes I'm still surprised when someone says, "wow, you're really pretty." On the other hand, I've heard it so much that it's just like "okay, and?" I got so cynical about it today that I thought to myself: man, we're in a strip club, you aint about to sit here and stare and smile at me for free. Every time you pay me a compliment, you better PAY me. Gimme the dollas!
Consequently, I've come up with a scale for what these compliments/"compliments" (all of which I've actually heard) should be accompanied by in tip money:
"You real cute/pretty." - $2 (I've heard it so much that it means next to nothing.)
"You're beautiful." - $4 (Okay, you got a little more emphatic.)
"You's a bad mothafucka!" - $6 (Aight, I feel some emotion coming from you and you've started looking a little intense. That makes me a little wary, so I'm going to need a little more of a tip to ease my nerves.)
"Ay. Where's your boyfriend/husband at?/Let me take you out." - $10 (You really think I'm going to THINK about hooking up with you? I need some extra money to play into your delusions for a minute before I shatter them.)
"Does your boyfriend need a new car?" - $12 (Are you serious? You've got to pay me to keep my laughter to myself.)
"I got my own place/Mnph. Mnph. Mnph./*Staring at me and licking your lips.*/I'll fuck your brains out." - $20 - $50 (It's a sliding scale depending upon (1) how attractive the person is, (1A) how many teeth they have, (2) how creepy the statement is, (2A) how creepy the delivery is, and (3) how long they actually try to talk me into fulfilling their nasty fantasies.
I think my scale is fair.
Aint No Recession Over Here
The upside to working in the nighttime entertainment business is that no matter what the economy is doing, people will be there. When times are good, they're celebrating; when times are bad, they're trying to escape from reality and drown their sorrows away. And, because I work at a strip club in THE TRAP (aka... where drug money is made), I'd say about 50-75% of my customers are drug dealers.
How do I know this? Well, you just watch for the signs: Flashily dressed? Huge bankroll? Despite this do they have the most HORRIBLE looking teeth ever? Do they have damn near black fingertips? Do they, in general, look like that much cash does not belong on their person? Were the $100s and $50s minted in 1994 (indicating a lack of a bank account)? Not-quite-concealed plastic baggies falling out of the pocket? Does his nickname include the word "cocaine"?
The majority of my customers don't operate in the legal economy, so they're pretty much not affected by the recession. In fact, they might even make more money in the bad times.
QUOTE OF THE NIGHT:
Drunken customer, leaving the club at the end of the night to one of the dancers:
"Pretty lady! Hey, pretty lady? You got milk! Yummm yummm!"
...WTF?
