Neither Rain Nor Sleet Nor Snow

...can keep men away from ogling naked women.

I thought I'd made a discovery when, during the Super Bowl, the club was damn near empty, and the men that WERE there were more focused on the game than the women in front of them.  But no, no, tonight I made A Discovery.

It's snowing outside.  The weather is absolutely horrible.  We're expected to get between 4 and 8 inches of the bloody awful fluffy white stuff by tomorrow morning.  Who would go out in such weather?  Men (and a couple of women) enticed by the captivating lure of naked women.

So, I'm thinking the value scale for men looks something like this:

Football > Naked women > Getting home safely.

I think I reached an epiphany.  

Baby, I Need Your Lovin'

Okay, so if a bartender/waitress asks you to buy a drink for her, she's not getting a real drink.  She's taking your money and putting it in her tip jar and getting the other bartender on duty to make her a dummy drink.  It's a tactic best employed on slow nights when the tips just aren't coming in.  I could've gotten a drink out of this one old skeezer (60+ years old in a played out sweat suit complete with gold chain and greasy-yet-frizzy hair) who squeezed my hand when I gave him his change (side note: the line, "You." or "Are you for sale?" or "You.  In a glass," in answer to my question, "what can I get you/to drink?" is getting REALLY old.  Creativity people, use it.), but I wasn't thinking quickly enough.  I just wanted him out of my sight posthaste.  

The next guy I chose to use my con artist skills on turned out to be hilarious.  He got kind of annoying, but he definitely made me laugh.  Seriously, I hope some woman (not me though) snatches him up and never lets go because he'd probably keep her in good humor for the rest of her life.  This man got down on his knees and begged me for my number (he asked if he was losing swagger points; I assured him he wasn't), started singing to me ("I Ain't Too Proud to Beg" - TLC), kissed me on the hand... and then pouted and said I took advantage of him by asking him to buy me a drink.  He also kept yelling "OBAMA!  OBAMA!" for whatever reason.  I didn't give him my number or agree to brunch, but when he asked me, "did I put laughter in your heart?" I gave him a sincere, "yes," and a kiss on the cheek.  "That's really all I wanted," he confided in me.

That Girl Is Wil'in

Like I said, if a waitress asks you to buy her a drink, she's taking the money as tip money.  Depending on how much of a sucker you are, she will ask for either the 2nd most or the most expensive drink the bar offers.  (I was nice and asked for the 3rd most expensive thing).  Tonight, Accent asked the wrong dude.

So, this guy is a customer of mine.  We're having a conversation.  He's tipping me real nice.  Accent walks up and tries to get a drink out of him.  He gives me a look like, "is she for real?"

He turns to her like, "I ain't buyin' you no drink.  I might be nice, but I'm not a sucker."  Point blank.  He continues to talk to and tip me.  (Seriously, he's just finding random reasons to tip me and putting money in my jar.)

After he leaves the bar, why does she ask me to make her a dummy drink and then find him and tell him to pay for it?

He came back up to bar and told me, "she's wi'lin; I'm not paying for that."  He asked me to make him a mixed shot (which I'm not allowed to do, but I did it for him).  He tipped me off that and then the club closed, so he gave me all the money he would've tipped the dancers.  And then as he was leaving said, "Man, I'm about to start coming in here just to see you."

Siced.

QUOTE OF THE NIGHT:

After I told this African guy and his buddies that I'd put their Heinekens on ice for them while they went out to have a smoke.

Him: "You're so nice."

Me:  "Oh, thank you."

Him:  "You're exquisite."

...Exquisite though?  Really, Sir?  ...Really?