Getting a Little too Close for Comfort

Yeah...

Sorry I didn't manage to give ya'll an update on Wednesday; it's been the Senior Finals Week (from HELL!) for me... and it's not over yet.  I've got 5 more exams and 1 more project to go.  Let's get it!  (Let me not get pre-excited about being a college graduate yet).  Anyway... Wednesday was rather uneventful in terms of behind-the-bar action, so I'll just give some highlights:

It normally doesn't happen, but apparently you can still make money while you're on break.  I was sitting on the couch in the break area, right above the front door to the club, studying for an exam I had the next day (which I good-as-failed: 74%... oh well.  I have a B in the class; I'm on-track for getting my degree).  As this guy was leaving the club, he just tipped me $10 for no reason.  Holla!

This old man just refuses to take the hint that I WILL NOT SLEEP WITH HIM.  I don't understand how many times and how many different ways I have to say "I'm not interested.  At all."  Before (he's propositioned me at least 3 different times), I lied and told him I had a boyfriend, so when he saw me he asked me, "how's that little boy of yours doing?"  I replied, "he's not a little boy.  And he's doing just fine."  He started asking me all these questions about him, so I had to keep making shit up as I went.  

[So, for future reference (for myself), here's my boyfriend: we've been together for a year and a half, he comes from money (he drives a Mercedes he didn't pay for himself), but he's very idealistic, he's going into Teach for America in Brooklyn, NY, we live in the same dorm at school, we're living together when I move up there, and his life goal is to reform the public education system in America.  He doesn't have a name yet, but I guess I should make one up now... so... his name is Julian.  Julian Rose.  Wait no... we're planning on getting married and "Nikki Rose" doesn't sound right; let's make that Julian Youngblood.  Yeah.]

Anyway, after I finished telling Old Dirty Man about my fictional boyfriend and how happy we are together, he responded with, "but he's not as nasty as I am."  ...Um gross much?

"Go drink your drink!" I shooed him away.

AND NOW FOR THE MAIN EVENT OF THIS POST!  TONIGHT'S EVENTS!

"You Can Get This Here Lapdance for Free"  

(NERD, "Lapdance")

Someone was in the club for a bachelor's party, so my boss stopped the music and got on the mic to announce that there would be a special event to celebrate the man's upcoming nuptials.  We don't do lapdances at The Club because we serve alcohol and the dancers get totally nude, but since it was a special occasion, the guy got a lapdance by two of the club's most skilled and popular dancers (with their costumes on, of course).  His shirt ended up coming off though.

I'm the Bartender Here; You're the Customer.  Got It?

Tip: do not tell your bartender about what's behind the bar or try to classify liquors.  Just don't do it.  Nine times out of ten you're wrong, however nine times out of ten your bartender won't correct you because it's not appropriate protocol for providing excellent customer service.  We ARE thinking to ourselves: "this idiot," though.  Hint:

Bacardi 151 is NOT whiskey; it's overproof RUM.  BACARDI MAKES RUM.  If you ask me to make a "Whiskey Sour with 151," I will assume you mean "make a 151 Sour."  If you tell me "I want both whiskey and 151," what you will get is either (a) equal shots of Jack and 151 or (b) 1 1/2 shots of Jack and 1/2 a shot of 151.  And after you WATCH me make it, giving me directions the whole time, DO NOT tell me "you didn't put any 151 in there."  Also, if you hand me a $100 bill + 25 cents when your bill is $20.25, I will give you back $20 in singles and $60 in twenties.  That's $80.  That's your correct change.  DO NOT ARGUE WITH ME ABOUT THAT EITHER.

Crown Royal is Canadian whiskey.  IT IS NOT BOURBON.  And if you're still confused, it says "CANADIAN WHISKEY" on the damn bottle itself.  No one seems to know what bourbon is, so I'm going to help them out: BOURBON IS AMERICAN WHISKEY MADE PRIMARILY FROM CORN.  Popular brands include (but are not limited to): Jim Beam, Maker's Mark, Mark Twain, Old Crow, Old Grand-Dad, and Wild Turkey.  There are strict requirements for a whiskey to qualify as a bourbon, but one of the easiest to remember is that it must be MADE IN AMERICA.  CROWN ROYAL IS MADE IN FRIGGIN' CANADA!!!!

We... Are... Family?

So, I think my boss is getting a little too attached to me.  First, he was doing his whole cheeky older man thing where he was complimenting my legs (I wore a minidress to work today) and showing me how to flip shot glasses and bottles and then asking me if I wanted to learn.  I replied "yeah, but my hands are so small, though."  He said, "that just means you make everything else look bigger."

Then, later on that night, he told me he needed to stop looking at me like a nasty old man, that he was going to hook me up with his eldest son, and that we should get married so he could retire and pass the business on.  (I actually would enjoy owning a strip club, and I've been toying with writing a business plan for the restructuring of his club.).  I think my boss has gotten a little bit too attached to me.  I don't know how he's going to take it when I leave.

I'd still keep in contact though; I would.  I like the club and I think it's got great potential.  Not sure I want to be part of the family though; that's a major emotional investment.

QUOTE OF THE NIGHT:

My boss on the mic:

"I'm fuckin' somebody's daughter tonight."