-If it doesn't feel right, it isn't right. Alright, so I already knew this one, but intuition is one of those "easily-ignored-because-they're-so-abstract" things. The trip to Miami was for my high school best friend's birthday, and when it was planned, it included four people: me, her, and two of her other besties (one of whom is also one of mine). Eventually, more people were added... people I either didn't know, didn't really care too much for, or hadn't talked to in ages. I didn't really feel right going; I had a feeling I wasn't going to be able to enjoy myself, but I went anyway because it was for my friend's birthday. Lesson rephrased: don't commit yourself to something you know you can't actually do in the interest of keeping up appearances. My line of thinking went something like this: if I don't go, I'm a bad friend AND I'll look petty and immature because I'm not going because I don't want to be around the other guests.
But you know what? I've discovered that real maturity is making decisions based upon what you know you're capable of, and real friendship isn't based upon appearances. I would've better served my friend by coming down to MD to see her off for her trip/welcome her back and giving her a gift then. Instead, I was visibly Miserable-In-Miami and felt like I'd essentially wasted my money on a vacation that wasn't very relaxing at all.
I knew I wasn't going to enjoy the trip before we even took off. When, in the airport, my high school bestie introduced her college bestie to one of the girls I didn't know with, "and this is my best friend, ____," and didn't even bother to introduce me. And then said girl I didn't know copped an attitude with me when I questioned her suggestion that we take shots on the plane. Bad omens.
Do you know how frustrating it is to try to be nice to and sociable with someone who does nothing but stare at you? (Except when she wasn't around her core group... when she was outnumbered by "the original trip people" she was fine). ...And for the record, the reason I've even been on-the-outs with this person (none of which matters anymore), was firstly because I was angry at her and couldn't fake politeness, and secondly because she wrote me a highly contradictory apology which I couldn't accept for all of its contradictions and hurtful insinuations. I don't know what reason she has to stare at me. To not flip out at rude-ass, pretentious little bitches (TWO of them!) who can't at least do the fake "we're all girlfriends!" thing? To feel like a freaking camper, shuttled into group activities that I had nothing to do with? To have plans made and NO ONE tells you what the hell is going on? I just didn't have a good time. Thus, I have learned:
-Do what YOU want. Alright, so you've got to take other people into account sometimes, but you can't be of any good use to anyone else if you're not happy. It shows. My other friend told me that, "the best day I've had so far on this trip is the day I spent by myself." And you know? I wish I'd spent a day waking up early and eating breakfast by myself, going swimming and tanning on the beach by myself, going back to eat and read my book by myself, then maybe take a nap and meeting up with everyone else later. If I'd felt like I'd had some modicum of control or choice in the whole trip, I think it wouldn't have been so bad for me. To the extent that you're able, always make sure what you're doing is what you want... otherwise you'll be bitter.
It wasn't all bad, though... I enjoyed playing volleyball in the water with 3 cute Italian guys. (Which has cemented my decision to go to Italy next summer). The water was nice. There were some good moments. I've also learned that wine makes me EXTREMELY giggly (or maybe just the fact that I drank a whole bottle?). I picked up an addiction to a television show called Bones (I just watched three straight episodes tonight, in fact). I learned some valuable lessons, the last of which being:
If I ever want to get my mother to affect a pained, worried expression and moan, "oh, my poor baby doesn't know how to take care of herself!" all I have to do is get a sunburn.
...Yes, she actually did say that in response to me getting a sunburn. My mom's a special lady. I love her.
My Gameplan for This Week:
-Figure out how I'm going to pay for fashion school.
-Finish this marketing package for my producer friend.
-Finish this business plan and case for donations for my family's non-profit.
-Go to my sewing class and figure out exactly how I'm going to volunteer there.
-Go to The Hamptons with an unspecified group of people in an unspecified location by an unspecified means of transportation and have a completely undignified amount of fun!
No comments:
Post a Comment