HU Night at the Strip Joint!

Apparently tonight was HU night at the club because they were ALL up in there.

1.  Ex-professor who thought he was witty.

Okay, so I understand that part of my job is to talk to people and make them feel valued, but sometimes I'd really prefer that you just ask me for a drink and go on about your merry way once you get it.  We don't have to have a conversation... really.

So, I'm making this man and his friend their drinks and as I'm pouring, he goes, "so... tell me something good!"  (WTF; How ambiguous and asinine!)

I'm like, "...like what?"

"You don't have any good news?"

The first thing that popped in my head was, of course, May 9, 2009, "well... I'll be graduating in a couple of months."

"Oh!  Congratulations.  From where?"

"Howard."

"Oh, I know all about you Howard girls.  You're mean."  

(Damn, bitter much?)  "I'm one of the nice ones," I smiled.  Smiling is my default; I can usually charm the bitter out of anyone with a patented Nikki Smile.

"That's what the mean ones say.  I used to teach at Howard.  'Yeah I'm so sweet- can I get extra credit?'" he mocked the lazy, shiftless, yet entitled attitude of his former students.

Hoping I didn't strike a serious nerve by my mention of Howard, I sought to distance myself as much as possible from his perception of Howard Girls.  "That's not me; I've never asked for extra credit a day in my life.  I don't believe in it.  Both of my parents are professors.  Even when extra credit assignments are given, I don't do them.  You get what you earn; that's my philosophy."

(Okay, so that was a little overkill, but I need my tips!)  He and his friend ended up wishing me well in my studies and future endeavors.  And referring to me as Ms. Howard for the rest of the night.  (I also have another customer who refers to me a CG... short for "College Girl").

2.  Howard student with comprehension problems.

A couple of my friends have come in the club before this, but I'm gonna stop to mention this dude because I just don't understand... how you gonna try to pay with a debit card and I tell you "cash only," once, you pay me, then you come back not 30 minutes later and try to pay with a debit card again?  I patiently repeated, "cash only," and then you try to hand it to the other bartender like I made the shit up because I don't know how to work the machine or something.  No... it's cash only.  All the time.  Gah!  College kids.

3.  Maintenance man who's becoming a bit too much of a familiar face.

So, I've suspected my roommate has been carrying on an inappropriate relationship with one of the maintenance men since like October of last year.  He's always been coming up to the room looking for her, "is she here?" at odd hours of the night (like 11 o'clock), with no maintenance tools, and his shirt untucked.  When he gets here, he usually goes into her room and the door closes.  I have heard her ask him, "did you bring me the candy?" to which he replied, "girl, you 'sposed to give me the candy."  Now, I don't want to jump to any sort of wild conclusions, but I don't think they have the regular resident-maintenance man relationship.

Why, earlier today, he surprised me by informing me that my roommate had gone out of town.  My eyebrows shot up in twin arches, "oh, really?"  The man knows her whereabouts.  Booty GPS?  (Okay, stop.)

The man also happened to find him self around whereabout I work =/  He rolled up in the club in his uniform and a big, bright ass, yellow ass bubble coat... and left about 5 minutes later, after he recognized me behind the bar.  Thank God he left, because it's awkward enough with him winking at me because he knows I know he frequently lays pipe... er... fixes... the pipes... *cough* in my suite.

MY FAVORITE QUOTE OF THE NIGHT:

Drunk ass man to me after I tell him I'm holding his drinks hostage if he doesn't give me the money (about 5-7 minutes have passed between his friend yelling at him to pay me and him repeatedly taking out and then putting back money from his wallet):

"You don't really give a fuck about me do you?"

Nope, I really don't.  But if you throw $5 or more in my tip jar, I'll give you a sincere thank you.