And yet I still have an inordinate amount of $$$$ to pay back for bills. Damn.
Speaking of which, an older gentleman offered to pay my bills today. His exact words were, "these young men out here will take you out, maybe buy you dinner or lunch. I'll pay a bill for you." I told him my bills were pretty extensive, but he still said wanted to connect with me on a spiritual and mental level, and told me, "Ooh! You don't know what you're doing!" I laughed (a bit nervously, actually) and said, "but I'm not doing anything." This was apparently the wrong thing to say, because he came back with, "Mnph! It's all natural then. You just got this natural glow. I'm going after you."
...Yeah.
Let me explain how this all started. So, cat comes up to the bar, and I notice him just staring at me.
"What can I get for you?" I asked.
He shook his head back and forth slowly. "You're doing something to me. You know?"
I tried again. "Uh... what can I get you to drink?"
"Heineken. Maybe it's this environment that's doing it, though. You know, I could just see you on the street and be Mr. So-and-So and you could be Ms. So-and-So, but in here, this place starts doing strange things to your mind. You get to wondering. You know?"
"Um, I guess. But this is my job, so..."
"Yeah, I get it; I'm not trying to compromise your job or anything, and I'm an older gentleman, coming at you real respectful-like. And I tell you, respectfully, I'd fuck your brains out. You're just, ooh! So tasty! This is all in respect, though."
I really didn't know what to say, so I just laughed and handed him his change.
"You know back in the old days, older men like Thomas Jefferson had women as young as 13 and 14. You're what? 21... you're grown enough. In another life, I guess I could've been your father, but I'm not. You know, I believe in karma. And people meet each other for a reason. Paths cross for a reason, see?"
"Yes, but I'm in a relationship." (Okay, so I lied, but I don't have a better standard line to deal with older men [men in general, actually] trying to get at me).
And then he schooled me about relationships. And for me, that's the reason why our paths crossed. 'Cause I needed to hear what he said at that moment; it makes sense for me right now.
He said that relationships were like conversations; they begin and they end. People come in and out of your life; very few stay, but you should enjoy what experiences you have with them while they're there. You should never have a moment where you wonder, "what would've happened if I'd..." Just jump. Everyone's got something to teach, something to share, something to give.
I was in what I believed to be a serious relationship for two years before a series of breakups culminating in a final one April 1st (yeah, he was a writer... with a thing for irony) of last year. I think the reason there were so many breakups was because I had too much trouble letting go. My mind kept thinking, "But I gave so much! I'm not ready to stop loving! This can't end with me sitting here with a broken heart! This can't be it!" I hadn't reached the point where I could say, "Okay, so I guess the hourglass ran out on you. I had a great time. Peace."
I ended up telling him, "well, how 'bout this: you stay on that side of the bar and I stay on this side of the bar, I serve you drinks and we have conversations. That's a relationship."
Of course, he didn't take that as his final answer and probably still thinks I'm going to give in, but... I appreciated the knowledge he dropped on me in the process.
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