I'm working another strip club; it's located in the 'hood rather than DC's power-district, but the money is still good. And the dancers are better. I swear, the girls at the (mostly) white club just sway back and forth and make faces. The dancers at this strip club put on a show. ...Not that I see much of it anyway; I pretty much just see the endless line of people in front of me requesting drinks. And let me tell you, getting behind the bar "forreal" is completely different from bartending school. I've definitely learned some real life lessons:
1. How to count.
It's my not-so-secret shame that I cannot count. At all. In fact, numbers tend to make me nervous. When I walked behind the bar at the club I was confronted with a cash register that must date back to 1975. There are no electronics involved in that hunk of metal. You have to know the prices of everything off the top of your head, punch the dollar amount in using typewriter-like buttons in denominations of 10, 1, .10 and .01., and then count out the change yourself. This presented a serious problem for me. It's been so bad that the waitresses usually help me out by telling me the correct amount of change to give them.
The first two nights I counted up things incorrectly, but the third night I got it right. I was so proud of myself when my boss told me, "and by the way, the money's right," after he finished counting down the drawer at the end of the night that I pumped my fist and said, "yessss! I'm proud of myself when I can count correctly." At this, one of the strippers replied, "we're proud of you too bitch!" I smiled and said thank you.
2. The only thing bartending school really gives you is drink knowledge, and even then... the bar you're working will probably have it's own way of mixing.
Apparently, the way I learned to make Zombies, Mai Tais, Blue Motorcycles, Blue Hawaiians and Apple Martinis no longer applies. And I can only imagine what else isn't consistent. It's hard to remember drinks when you can't write them down too, but I've been managing okay. As well, we don't serve our shots or drinks the way I learned to either. All of the bottles at the bar have "measured pours", meaning the spout pours out exactly one ounce of liquor and then stops. Well, I poured it that way and the bar manager informed me that that wasn't a shot. We fill all of our glasses to the brim; no "lip line" like how I learned in bartending school. Whatev.
3. Personal selling skills.
I learned at a very young age that as long as you smile real big and bright, they'll love you. One of the strippers at work put it best: "God gave me a great smile and a great ass, and I talk so good I'll talk a hole in your pocket." God didn't give me a great ass, but I did come away with a sparkling personality. I'm far from innocent, but for some reason, that's how I come off no matter what I do. And I leverage that. I can act interested in anyone and they'll believe it. Okay, so some customers take the "building relationships" thing a little too far (no, I will not have sex with you), but I've been able to smile my way to $12 tips on a $11.50 bill and convince unsuspecting men that they should have a double shot of Ciroc as I get into a conversation with them about its superior, ultra-smooth qualities. (Upselling!) And this is only in my first four days; one day I shall be a master at personal selling, coaxing tips even out of the cheapest bottled-water-drinking, no 1's-having cheapskates in the place.
4. Never let 'em hustle you.
Like I said, I look innocent. I talk innocent. I've got angel-light shining from my eyes. I've had two customers try to hustle me so far. One tried to act like he didn't have enough to pay for the drink I'd already fixed him. The bar manager called him on it because she heard him whisper, "watch this," to his friend. The second one I fixed myself. This Negro tried to confuse me by talking fast, ordering a drink, not paying for it, requesting that I give him 20 $1 bills, and then trying to walk away. I was like, "uh... you need to pay for that Heineken." And then he tried to act clueless, "oh? I didn't pay for it?" No. You didn't. Cough it up!
5. The Shakin v. Trickin Asset Turnover Ratio
I'm a business student, so of course, when one of the strippers said, "man, I know this girl who turns tricks and doesn't have a car. What the hell is that?" I immediately thought that the 'ho lacked the business sense to price her goods and services correctly. She went on to say, "I mean, how much are you supposed to sell it for? Man, if I were to sell my shit, you'd have to give me some permanent money. Some shit I can use. You'd better buy me a house, some stock, somethin!" This I related to the value of assets versus the revenue stream that comes from your business activities. You can leverage assets, but revenue can only be used to buy assets... and if you aren't making enough to do that, well, you're in a pretty sorry position and you need to reevaluate your business strategy. She then said, "I don't see why any girl would turn to trickin' any way... I make so much more just shakin' it, shakin' it, shakin' it... and I aint never had to open my legs for no man. I mean, I guess they make their money faster, but they make less. And what they go through..." That's a lesson in asset turnover ratio right there; it's important to get the most out of your assets, making them generate their value as many times over as you can... but if you set the value too low, it doesn't mean anything. Case-and-point, her last thing to say on the subject was, "and you know, a nigga will talk about you if you let him get it for $200... but let it cost him $2,000. He aint braggin' to NOBODY!"
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